Shaking Off the Dust Read online

  I nodded. “Can I go see him?”

  “Not until he gets up to ICU. Besides, I need to check you out. I promised him in the ambulance. It’s one promise I plan to keep.”

  I shook my head. “I’m bleeding. Maybe I was never pregnant at all. I’d rather believe that than think I’m losing this pregnancy.”

  “I’m sorry, Hannah.” A flash of sadness crossed his face before he was back to that neutral expression doctors learn to wear. “We can get you checked out. Afterwards, I can take you up to Takeshi’s room. I’ll have them put a sleep chair in his room. We’ll put you on bed rest.”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. As long as Takeshi survives, nothing else matters. I promised God I’d join a nunnery if He saved him anyway.”

  “Humor me. Let me keep me keep my word.” He stood and I got up to follow. “I’ll be back in a minute with a wheelchair.”

  My feet were cold. I expected to see Tom and wasn’t disappointed. He sat next to me, his feet over mine.

  “I came from recovery.” He smiled at me this time. “You know he’s out of surgery.”

  “I know.” I grinned. “What’s going on elsewhere?”

  “It’s pretty much over. The bombs were diffused out in the countryside. They traced the girl and janitor to the same apartment and found four others there. There were explosive materials all over the place. They now have several in custody and are pretty sure they are the rest of the terrorist cell. But the man who bought the explosives has not been found.”

  Dr. Santiago came in with a wheelchair. “Are you ready, Hannah? Ultrasound is available. We’ll do the lab work after.”

  “What’s going on, Hannah?” Tom demanded.

  I wouldn’t look at him. It would be like having to tell Takeshi. I didn’t want to do that either. “Go stay with him until I can get there. Where’s Brodie been?”

  “He stayed for the whole surgery. He didn’t want to update you, because he didn’t want to upset you. I’ll be with Takeshi, until you call.” Tom disappeared.

  “Tell me, Dr. Santiago. Tell me everything you found and did in surgery. I’d rather be informed. It helps me cope.”

  * * *

  I sat by Takeshi’s bed for four days, sleeping fitfully. The foldout chair was okay to sit on, but miserable to sleep in, especially when my nerves were like frayed wires. I suspected the constant cramping contributed to the misery. It was my own fault. I declined pain medication and the real bed Dr. Santiago offered at his place.

  Dwight Santiago and the other surgeons came in a couple of times a day to examine Takeshi. His vital signs were good. His heart rate stayed in the forties, which worried the night nurse until I assured her that was normal for him.

  I sat at his bedside every minute, except for bathroom breaks. On Santiago’s orders, the nurses brought me a meal tray several times a day. Unfortunately the ICU didn’t have showers in the rooms, so it was three days and counting since I’d taken a shower or bath. I used the sink and did the best I could in the night.

  Hector came by the second night as he was being discharged. His mother was with him, on guard like a mother tiger. He told me all the others were tied up with their perspective governments in the clean up and debriefing after the excitement. He also told me that a military plane had flown Rachel back to the United States the day after her surgery.

  Tom and Brodie kept me company at intervals. Neither of them was good at sitting and watching, so they never stayed long. Tom stuck with Bill and Enrique. He’d let me know where they were and what they were doing. Brodie knew his way around the hospital and by the end of that first day he discovered he could watch TV with the patients. He understood the words, no matter the language. It was just as well. He was a typical twelve-year-old, which means he got on my nerves when he was bored.

  On the second day, Dr. Santiago brought me a couple of books, mysteries. I read them aloud to Takeshi. He was being kept chemically paralyzed with continuous pain medications infusing through his IVs. I suspected he was out of it all the time, but I read until I was hoarse.

  Like most ICUs, they did their baths at night or early morning, so each morning, about 0500 they allowed me to give him his bath. His heart rate was always a little higher during that time. I think he knew my voice and touch, but I’d been telling myself all kinds of stories to feel better.

  Mostly I held on to Shimodo’s hands, praying that once they let him wake up, he’d be himself. Dwight Santiago assured me that was possible, so I was counting on him being all right.

  On the fourth day, Dwight announced he’d be letting him up from the medication that kept him out of it, on the next morning. Yes, we were on a first-name basis now.

  It made my heart seize up just thinking about him awake and able to talk to me.

  At three a.m. I called for Tom and Brodie to keep me company. We commiserated for a couple of hours on our lives and on how small the room was. When the nurse came in to take down his medications, I asked her to bring in supplies for his bath.

  “You know, Hannah, you should tell him what has happened. He’s been out of it for days. He doesn’t know about the bombs. He doesn’t know any of it.” Tom blinked out.

  I started Takeshi’s bath and gave a running commentary on everything I knew. I told him about his being shot and the surgery, the airport, the ghosts finding the bombs, the bomb squad, all of it.

  I pretended he listened, but he didn’t move. I finished his bath and massaged lotion into his legs and arms. As I was applying what was left to his fingers, he gripped my hand.

  I searched his face. “Shimodo, don’t tease me. I’m too old to be trifled with. If you want to tell me something, open your eyes.”

  I moved my chair as close to the bed as I could. I put my chin in his palm, then kissed the flesh, and sighed. His fingers touched my lips, moving slowly across my face. He was trying to wake up, to come back to me. “It’s all right, Takeshi. I can wait. I don’t mind if you tease me and I say that because I know when you wake up, you won’t remember it.” I laughed nervously.

  His hand cupped my face and this time, when I looked at his face, his eyes were open. He tried to talk, but the tube in his mouth and lungs would not let him. He reached up to touch it, perhaps pull it. I caught his fingers before he reached it.

  “Don’t. The tube is a necessary evil for now. Be good and I’ll not beat you. If you pull at it or cause it to dislodge, they’ll blame me and I am on my best behavior.”

  He feigned shock and nodded. My heart leapt. He was back, my Shimodo was back, sense of humor and all. “If you prove what an exceptional patient you are, I may let you have paper and pen to express your immediate questions. Are you in pain?”

  He shrugged, wincing.

  “That’ll be the shoulder hurting, huh? Yep, that’s a big hurt there. Of course, bending over is going to sting like the dickens because of your abdominal wound. Walking is going to pain that right leg. So it’s going to be no fun around you for a while. I have several other men lined up to replace you.”

  He grunted and frowned.

  “Now don’t be upset, it’s only until you’re well enough to be up to regular physical activity. I have a list from which you can help me choose.” I couldn’t seem to shut up. I was going to cry if I didn’t make a joke of it.

  “Hannah, you’re just plain mean. Look at him. He’s a mess and you’re making fun of him,” Tom chastised.

  Takeshi looked at Tom, and shook his head, reaching out his hand for mine again.

  I examined his face for a long moment. “You can see Tom?”

  He gestured up at Tom, nodding.

  “Tom, why can he see you?” Realization slapped me. “He died on the operating table, didn’t he? You didn’t tell me.”

  I choked on bile and faced Takeshi. “I told you to go into the light if you had the chance. To take this fool with you.” I pointed at Tom.

  Tom came to the other side of his bed, sitting on it. “Damn, Takeshi, you had us fra
ntic. Don’t ever do that again.”

  Takeshi inclined his head towards me.

  “I’m fine.” I shot a quick warning at Tom.

  Takeshi had his eyes on me and saw the exchange. He put his hand out, miming writing.

  I took his hand, tucking it in his lap. “There’s nothing to tell.”

  But he ignored me and stared over at Tom, his eyes demanding an answer.

  “Don’t ask me, my friend. She’s been tight lipped. Dr. Santiago took her for a test, that’s all I know.” Tom shook his head.

  I struck out with my fist and if Tom had been solid, I’d have hit him hard in the shoulder. Instead it passed through him. That didn’t help me feel any better.

  Takeshi’s hand came up turning my face towards him again. His eyes on mine.

  I started crying. “I’m sorry, Takeshi. I told you I couldn’t have babies.”

  The nursing staff came in at that moment and I moved to the back of the room. When they saw that Takeshi was awake, they were very excited. They took vital signs and he followed their commands, moving arms and legs. He kept trying to find me in the room. I’d moved away from him.

  He managed to get them to bring him a pen and paper. I knew he was desperate to be alone again, but I felt safer with others in the room, hiding from my own thoughts and tears.

  The surgeon showed up in the midst of all the nursing commotion. He beamed with pride at his patient, explaining all the miracles of the surgery. Only then did I hear that they’d lost him on the table for a few minutes.

  Tom interjected that he’d been there when it happened and that Takeshi had left his body for those few moments and they’d talked. Takeshi refused to walk into any light without me.

  I backed farther and farther from the crowd as he told the tale. Noise filled my head until I needed to catch my breath. Fresh air, that’s what I required. I moved to leave, almost falling over Dwight as he came in to the room. He caught me, looking into my face. Perspiration beaded on my forehead as the dizziness got worse.

  “When did you eat last, Hannah?” he asked.

  I just wanted to be alone now. To close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “Bring her some juice and food now,” Dwight spoke to someone. “Hannah, you’re all pale again. When was the last time you ate?”

  “I don’t remember you eating since yesterday afternoon,” Tom reminded me.

  “It doesn’t matter now, I’m fine. I got claustrophobic. I’ll be better in a few minutes. I would like to leave now.” I stood.

  Takeshi pounded on his bed rails until I looked at him. He had written down on the pad. Stay here with me. Eat.

  “I’m in the way here. I’d have me thrown out, if I were your nurse.”

  He kept pointing to the pad.

  Dr. Santiago gently pushed me back into the chair. “Have some juice, then I’ll take you down for breakfast. You haven’t gotten the rest you need. It’s no wonder your body’s thrown out of whack. Besides, I need to recheck your lab work today.” He looked at Takeshi. “You don’t mind if I steal her away for a while, do you?”

  Takeshi started writing for a long time on his pad. I’m counting on you to take care of her until I can.

  The nurse handed me two plastic cups of apple juice. I drank them down as everyone watched. When I finished, I did feel better and I went to Takeshi, took the pad from his hands and wrote, I can damn well take care of myself.

  Takeshi nodded and smiled, taking the pad from my hands. Better now? he wrote.

  “Wipe that know-it-all smile off your face, Shimodo, or I’ll have the orderly do your bath tonight,” I threatened.

  Several people snorted, including the surgeon who’d gone quiet when Dwight came in the room. He went back to his exam of Takeshi then promised to take him off the respirator in stages over the next few hours if he maintained his oxygenation.

  “So, you are saying I only have a few hours to browbeat him without verbal retaliation.” I gave Shimodo a raised eyebrow.

  Takeshi was writing away on the pad. I realized he was left handed. How could I have not noticed that before? Go with Dr. Santiago. We will talk in a few hours. Eat!

  “We don’t have to talk about everything right away. There’s time to talk later, when you feel better.” Tears filled my eyes.

  He looked over to Dwight, then motioned him to take me and go.

  “You’re awfully bossy,” I said. “That’s my personality, not yours. I liked it that way.” I bent down and kissed his cheek, then leaned into his ear. “I love you too.”

  I was gone longer than I planned. We walked two blocks to a café for breakfast and Dwight liked long slow meals. He regaled me with news from America. I hadn’t been watching TV and so had no idea what was going on. The Madrid news had been nonstop on CNN and every other news agency.

  We went to the lab for a blood test. After that he wanted me to meet a friend of his, who happened to be an obstetrician. She did the whole exam and repeated an ultrasound. As we walked from her offices, I complained about not having showered or worn real cloths for days. I rambled about getting a hotel room now that Takeshi was awake and seemingly indestructible.

  Dr. Santiago took me to a store on the way and bought me a fresh set of jeans, tee shirt and a sweatshirt to put over that. I threw in a bag of underwear. He stood guard at the doctors’ sleep room while I showered. He even handed me a bag with shampoo, toothbrush and paste, and other amenities. It was heaven in a small-enclosed space. Now that was a good friend.

  I wiped the steam from the mirror with the towel and almost didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. The bruise was still there, but had faded. My reflection was haggard, but at least I smelled okay. I hoped. I was a very unattractive woman today. Perhaps two days of sleep would help.

  “Hannah?”

  I twisted around and Tom was behind me, his back to me.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “You’ve been gone for hours. Takeshi’s worried you’re sick and they aren’t telling him.”

  “Damn. Tell them to give him drugs. If I knew waking him up would make him worry about me, I’d have made them wait.”

  “Liar,” Tom argued. “What’s the matter? Really?”

  “I’m fine. I look like a hag. He deserves someone pretty, pert and more congenial.”

  “Stop pouting that you’re not a model and go talk to him. You’re avoiding him now,” he snapped. “Don’t make me box your ears.”

  “Go tell him I took a shower, my first in four days, so I would not assail that sensitive nose. He’ll understand. Is he talking? Did they extubate him?”

  But Tom was gone. I came out of the doctors’ lounge and bowed my head to Dwight.

  “He’s waiting. Tom said he’s impatient, worried. I need to get to him.”

  “Fine, I’ll send up food. You eat it or I’ll ban you from his room. He’ll take it badly, but he’ll enforce it, to make sure you stay healthy.”

  “Thanks for the clothes and shower-guarding duty.” I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Now you’re just being one more pain in my ass. I’m going up to his room.”

  * * *

  Takeshi sat up in bed, his eyes closed. I crept closer watching his face.

  “You still smell like blackberries and honey.” His voice was hoarse, almost a croak.

  “It’ll take days before my hormones get back to normal.” I started to pull up the chair, but he patted the bed and slowly moved over to make room.

  “That had to hurt.” I smiled. “Not a chance. I’d be scared to death I’d damage you.”

  “I want you next to me. Please come sit with me. I need someone beside me, someone that is you. Let me smell you and get the stink of this hospital room out of my nose.”

  “You are always talking so sexy to me. How can I refuse?” I sat my fanny down, but I was afraid to get any closer. “I’ll hurt you,” I insisted.

  He put his hand on my shoulder and used one finger to ease me back against the pill
ow. I was barely touching him, but close enough so that my head was right under his chin.

  He turned until I was under his nose, then leaned in and inhaled deeply. “You still smell of blackberries and honey, even stronger than before. We need to get married as soon as possible.”

  “You have more important things to worry about, like getting well.” I laughed.

  “I’m serious. I won’t rest again until I know we are married.”

  I started to sit up, but his touch stopped me.

  “Wait, please hear me out. I love you. I have it on your word that you love me. If something were to happen, unexpectedly, I want you to have my name. It’s the only way I can protect you, no matter what happens.”

  “I do love you. Not a doubt in my mind. But, and don’t start to argue, I want our wedding in the spring. May, would be nice. Maybe Tom would stick around to be your best man. I’d like my family to know and love you. Your aunt will need time to try to talk you out of it. I require you to be recovered for our honeymoon, I’m a very demanding lover. I want you to be free of me then decide you want to marry me, not some rushed thing because you’re afraid. Marry me because you can’t imagine being without me. There’s a big distinction there.”

  “Do you trust me?” he croaked over my head.

  “With my life.”

  “Then trust that I marry you because I can’t live without you. Marry me now, here, tomorrow. We’ll have another big wedding in May.”

  “I’m sleeping in tomorrow.” I took his left hand in mine.

  “I would see this list of men to replace me. Without you tied to me in marriage, I would need to dispatch them all to hell. By which time you’ll have made a new list I’m sure.”

  “Now, don’t be jealous. I said you could help pick them out.”

  “I must see this list.”

  “I’m too tired. Let’s take a nap now. We can work on the list later.” I got out of his bed. I made the chair into a bed and got in. “First one asleep gets to choose the top person on the list.” He was already pretending to be asleep.